I’ve announced it before on Twitter, but I would like to formally announce my campaign/crusade/rampage/purge/whatever you want to call it of BS marketing and business buzzwords. You know exactly what I’m talking about. If not, watch the IBM commercial below. It’s an oldie but a goodie!
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgeLY7CL5IE]
When I started working, I very quickly realized people at my company lovemarketing buzzwords. I have tried as hard as I can to wean them, one person in particular, of this, but to no avail. I rewrite e-mail campaigns, white papers, case studies, and every single other piece of external communication I can get my hands on, but it mysteriously winds up back to the craptastic version.
Here is a short list of words and phrases I have been compiling since I started working in June, and some suggestions on how to just say it in regular English:
- reach out (how about e-mail, call, write to, get in touch with…)
- circle back (we’ll return to that at the end of our meeting, I’ll get back to you)
- moment, as in “thanks for the moment the other day” (opportunity to talk to you, taking the time to talk with me about our service)
- thought leadership (white paper, brochure, sales piece, collateral)
- granular (this just makes me want to bake cookies because all I can think about is granulated sugar. Just say detailed!)
- offline (after the meeting, between the two of us, we’ll return to that later)
- verticals (industries)
- ping (instant message, bring to someone’s attention, call, contact in some way)
- high-level (broad-based, overview, overarching)
- nurture (these people don’t want what we have to offer, so just drop them already!)
- closed-loop (all-encompassing, systematic… this one makes some sense, but I see it WAY too often)
- buckets (categories)
- drill down (get to the main point, see finer details)
- cast a wide net (makes sense, but so cliche)
- pound the pavement (talk with our prospects, make a greater sales effort)
- differentiate (makes sense, but still used too often)
- action items (same here. I just prefer to call it my to-do list)
- keep on the radar (cliche again, just say follow less closely)
- pain points (irritations, problems, issues)
- monetize (goes hand-in-hand with “add value,” make something make money if it isn’t already, put a price tag on something)
- leverage (use, make better use of, increase capability… this one is SO ambiguous, making it a serious offender)
- hamstrung (just sounds stupid, but say hampered, held back)
- top-of-mind (most visible, right place at the right time, brand recognition)
So those certainly aren’t the worst offenders, but they’re a start. What phrases do YOU see on a more-than-daily basis that drive you up the wall?
Tags: buzzwords, jargon
The new buzzwords
20 FebI just posted this in my company’s internal password-protected blog, and I’m hoping it might actually make people smile. It’s been a little tense in the workplace this week… not fully sure why. Just lots of stress floating around. Yuck. I’m strangely cheery today, but it’s probably because it’s a) Friday and b) coming up to Sunday, when I get to go to a bridal show with my dear friend Rose.
At any rate, this is what I originally meant to post: “29 tech phrases you should be punched in the face for using.” I’m guilty of more than one of them, but I find them to be generally hilarious. Now, I’m just waiting for them to enter the realm of management-speak, when I’ll have to run screaming from the room.
LOL!
Tags: buzzwords, culture, Web