My crusade

I’ve announced it before on Twitter, but I would like to formally announce my campaign/crusade/rampage/purge/whatever you want to call it of BS marketing and business buzzwords. You know exactly what I’m talking about. If not, watch the IBM commercial below. It’s an oldie but a goodie!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgeLY7CL5IE]

When I started working, I very quickly realized people at my company lovemarketing buzzwords. I have tried as hard as I can to wean them, one person in particular, of this, but to no avail. I rewrite e-mail campaigns, white papers, case studies, and every single other piece of external communication I can get my hands on, but it mysteriously winds up back to the craptastic version.

Here is a short list of words and phrases I have been compiling since I started working in June, and some suggestions on how to just say it in regular English:

• reach out (how about e-mail, call, write to, get in touch with…)
• circle back (we’ll return to that at the end of our meeting, I’ll get back to you)
• moment, as in “thanks for the moment the other day” (opportunity to talk to you, taking the time to talk with me about our service)
• thought leadership (white paper, brochure, sales piece, collateral)
• granular (this just makes me want to bake cookies because all I can think about is granulated sugar. Just say detailed!)
• offline (after the meeting, between the two of us, we’ll return to that later)
• verticals (industries)
• ping (instant message, bring to someone’s attention, call, contact in some way)
• high-level (broad-based, overview, overarching)
• nurture (these people don’t want what we have to offer, so just drop them already!)
• closed-loop (all-encompassing, systematic… this one makes some sense, but I see it WAY too often)
• buckets (categories)
• drill down (get to the main point, see finer details)
• cast a wide net (makes sense, but so cliche)
• pound the pavement (talk with our prospects, make a greater sales effort)
• differentiate (makes sense, but still used too often)
• action items (same here. I just prefer to call it my to-do list)
• keep on the radar (cliche again, just say follow less closely)
• pain points (irritations, problems, issues)
• monetize (goes hand-in-hand with “add value,” make something make money if it isn’t already, put a price tag on something)
• leverage (use, make better use of, increase capability… this one is SO ambiguous, making it a serious offender)
• hamstrung (just sounds stupid, but say hampered, held back)
• top-of-mind (most visible, right place at the right time, brand recognition)

So those certainly aren’t the worst offenders, but they’re a start. What phrases do YOU see on a more-than-daily basis that drive you up the wall?

On a lighter note…

I noticed that a few (who am I kidding? I only have a few, so most) of my posts are really serious. I’m not usually like that, I swear. I started this blog so that I could write about what I’m thinking about, and I guess there’s been a lot of serious stuff to contemplate lately.

So I’m lightening up a bit. Here’s what I’m doing to be more calm in the face of the rest of the world: yoga and ballet. I started taking yoga at my gym (which I just joined and is a HUGE deal for me) a couple of months ago, and I really love it a lot. I need the time to relax and be more in tune with myself and my surroundings, and yoga does that for me. I started taking a Monday night power yoga class in addition to my usual Wednesday night Hatha class so I can up the yoga ante.

Herein lies the problem… potentially. I got an e-mail from the Boston Ballet informing me that they’re opening a studio on the North Shore, which is about 1/2 hour from my apartment. Compare this to the drive to their Metro West or South Shore studios… way longer. I’ve wanted to take adult dance classes since I stopped dancing at a studio in 1999. Yeah, it’s been a while. I miss having a dancer’s body and grace and the regularity of a few classes a week. The problem, potentially, then, is that the classes are Monday and Wednesday nights from 7-8:30. If the class schedule stays the same as it is now, which it might, that would preclude me from going to yoga anymore.

I just looked at the schedule, though, and there are 5:30 a.m. (gross) yoga classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays that would work out pretty well, especially if I get permission to work from home two days per week instead of the one I have now. I take a 6:52 a.m. train into the city to get to work in the morning, and the class is an hour long. I don’t think I’ll have the time to go to class, shower afterwards, and get to the train on time for the 6:52. There’s another train at 7:40, though, so maybe I can take the later train in on those days and work later other days… options, options. I never thought of it that way.

EDIT: I got in to the ballet class! Time to figure out how I’m going to work this schedule!

VOTE!

I live in the great state of Massachusetts. I love it here. I am about 20 minutes north of Boston, and right at the intersections of Interstates 93 and 95, as well as Routes 1 and 128. I’m an hour or so away from the nearest ski mountain, a few hours away from bigger ones, and minutes from the beach (but I don’t like the beach, so that’s negligible). I live in the best location imaginable.

That whole thing really has nothing to do with the rest of my post… I guess I just wanted to chat a sec about my area. Apologies.

I’m also 22 years old, meaning this is my second election. I remember voting in Connecticut in 2004, my first presidential election. I was there for my first year of college, then left for my home state for the rest of it. Moving on. I knew that I was sick of Bush’s policies at that point, and he’d only been in office 4 years. I wasn’t all that fond of Kerry, but I thought anyone was better than Bush. Nader’s policies didn’t sound too bad, but I’d heard “a vote for Nader is a vote for Bush,” so I decided against it. After I was done voting, I left the elementary school I was in, and a reporter came up and asked for an interview. I said yes. What issues concerned me most? The war in Iraq, women’s rights, gay rights.

The issues remain the same even now. I know too many men (I don’t know any women personally yet, but that’ll change in a few months I think) who have served in Iraq for reasons beyond my comprehension. I want them back. I’m selfish in that sense. I want to see my cousin Andy on Christmas. I want to see my friend Mike when we go up to Vermont. I’m scared that Tyler and Ryan haven’t been yet, but likely will sooner or later, flying helicopters. Cait will probably be there, too. And Mark. And Will. And Jordan. I want them all here. With me. In the U.S. A plane ride away. I want them to all be at my wedding, when that time comes. I want them home. Now.

I’m sick of the “me first” attitude this country espouses. Call me socialist if you want, but I think a little more “we first” wouldn’t kill the tenacity and drive of this country to succeed. Children need a good education. Not all will go to college, but all should have the opportunity to do so if they choose. They shouldn’t be barred from going because it’s too expensive. Were I still in college now, I don’t know if I would be able to afford my last year. I probably wouldn’t have been able to get a loan.

We need better access to health care. The way our system is run is rife with corruption and injustice. Women need access to mammograms and Pap tests. Men need access to colonoscopies and prostate exams. Everyone deserves the right to an annual physical. Think of the money our country could save with more emphasis on early detection and prevention of heart disease, obesity, and cancer. I would wager billions.

We need to end our dependence on foreign oil without destroying the natural beauty of the north. I have an affinity for polar bears, and I don’t want to see them become extinct. We need to preserve the little wild territory we have left. We need more funding going toward developing alternate energy sources. Solar needs to be more efficient. Hybrid and electric cars need to come on the market now. Even cars run on E-85 need to become more prevalent, but to do that, we need fueling stations. I don’t even know if there’s a single one in Massachusetts, but I know there are a few in Colorado I saw when I was there this January.

We need to respect everyone’s right to privacy and fair treatment in the eyes of the law. Women have the right to choose what they do with their bodies. I believe that whether you believe abortion is right or wrong, you should have the ability to make that decision for yourself. If you don’t believe in abortion, don’t have one. However, if you are the victim of rape or incest, you should be able to have one, no questions asked. I believe that marriage is the union of two souls, whether they are male and female, male and male, or female and female. Discrimination based on sexual orientation is illegal, but it’s still legal for a hospital to deny visitation rights to a gay partner. This is wrong. There’s no excuse for it.

I’m going to vote right now. I’m voting for Barack Obama because his platform aligns more closely with my (strong) personal beliefs than McCain’s does. Sarah Palin believes in exactly the opposite of what I do, so there is no way in hell that I’m voting for any with her on it. I’m not going to go off on how I feel about her, but I’ll leave you with this: she’s an abomination.

OBAMA ’08!

And whether you agree with my ridiculously long post or not, that’s fine with me. I just care that you get out to the polls and make your voice heard. If you don’t vote, you have no right to complain if things aren’t the way you want them to be.